Chivalry: What Women Want To Know But May Not Want To Hear

Artwork: Accolade by Edmund Leighton (1901) Oil on Canvas

Chivalry, a word that once invoked images of honor, bravery, and respect for women, has faded into obscurity in modern relationships. What happened to this ancient code, and why does it seem so foreign today? In this essay, I aim to explore the true meaning of chivalry, how its principles eroded over time, and why a renaissance of chivalrous men is essential for our culture. Along the way, I will make some observations that may challenge popular beliefs about both men and women.

As you read, keep in mind that my opinions are not rooted in a rigid moral stance but in an attempt to find balance in a world that swings between extremes. Black-and-white thinking fosters division, both personally and socially. Instead, my words serve as a middle ground, a pivot point for your thoughts, like the pendulum in an antique grandfather clock.

The image of *The Accolade* captures a pivotal moment: a Queen knighting a young man, the mighty warrior kneeling in a gesture of surrender. This symbolic act represents more than just obedience. The Queen herself embodies an archetype larger than life, symbolizing beauty, goodness, justice, and life itself—all qualities worth fighting and dying for.

The Diminishing Value of Courtship

Today, the concept of courtship has all but vanished, leaving in its place a culture of casual encounters, self-indulgence, and emotional disconnect. According to Pew Research, 86% of single adults are either uninterested in marriage or uncertain about it, leaving a mere 14% seeking committed, lifelong partnerships. This statistic should alarm us far more than any environmental or social justice crisis.

If this decline in meaningful relationships were occurring in the animal kingdom, we’d mobilize to find solutions. But as humans, we remain blind to this epidemic. The breakdown of relationships, the failure of courtship, and the disregard for commitment are deeply affecting our ability to connect and build a thriving society.

Women: The Key to Revival

What often goes unacknowledged is the power women hold in shaping the course of relationships. As Professor Leon Kass wrote, "Even the most independent-minded erotic man becomes dependent on the judgment of a woman." Women's expectations shape men's behavior more than we realize. When women settle for less—whether it be charm, appearance, or momentary attraction—they lower the standard men are held to. Consequently, why would men ascend beyond their base nature if they can get what they want without effort or discipline?

Women set the stage for how relationships unfold. If society is trapped in hookup culture and shallow encounters, it is because the standards for meaningful, lasting relationships have been abandoned. To reverse this trend, women must reclaim their role as gatekeepers, requiring more from men than superficial charm or financial success.

The Lost Art of Delayed Gratification

One of the most critical aspects of maturity—whether in relationships or personal growth—is the ability to delay gratification. The long path to mastery in any craft, from education to career, requires patience, dedication, and discipline. Yet when it comes to relationships, we’ve become culturally stunted, chasing instant pleasure while avoiding the deeper work of building something lasting.

The most potent symbol for a heterosexual man is a woman, and the pursuit of a woman can either elevate or debase him. When sex is given freely, without emotional control or chivalrous conduct, it feeds into the psychopathy of modern dating—where people idealize, devalue, and discard one another, treating humans as mere objects of gratification.

Chivalry as a Code for Both Genders

Chivalry, at its core, was never just about men. It was a dynamic where both men and women served something greater than themselves. A woman, embodying grace and dignity, inspired men to be their best, while men, through their honor and valor, upheld the dignity of women.

For chivalry to be revived, women must recognize their power and men must rise to meet the higher standard. Women need to see men as allies, not threats, and men must relearn the art of serving something greater than their immediate desires. When a man recognizes the symbolic power of a woman, she becomes more than a physical object—she becomes the embodiment of the divine feminine, a force that can inspire him to transcend his baser instincts.

The Return of Chivalry

To reinstate chivalry, women must demand more of themselves and of men. Sex, given freely without emotional and psychological vetting, undermines a man’s motivation to grow beyond his animalistic tendencies. By contrast, when a woman holds herself as a queen, requiring virtue, restraint, and commitment, men will respond by stepping into the role of chivalrous knights—offering protection, loyalty, and devotion.

Women, if you desire chivalrous, loyal, and virtuous men, stop giving in to casual encounters and start requiring men to prove their worth. Embrace your symbolic power. As men strive to meet your expectations, they will grow into the kind of partners you long for—honorable, courageous, and steadfast.

Chivalry in Modern Practice

Chivalry isn't just a relic of the past; it's a way of life that can still guide us today. The medieval code taught knights the virtues of honor, courage, and loyalty, but it also emphasized respect, protection, and devotion to women. While these principles may seem antiquated in the modern world, their essence remains vital. Chivalry teaches men to rise above selfish desires and to serve a higher purpose, whether that be in relationships, community, or society at large.

A New Era of Chivalry

The revival of chivalry begins when both men and women commit to something greater than themselves. For women, this means recognizing their innate power and using it to inspire men to their highest potential. For men, it means embracing discipline, restraint, and the values that define true character. Chivalry is not dead; it is waiting to be reborn through the actions of men and women who are willing to live by a higher code.